Chinese cleaver

So I packed up all my things in the kitchen yesterday (just a couple of hours ago). Well, not everything -- I have yet to pack my Chinese cleaver. It is an amazing tool, this Chinese cleaver. It can chop vegetables and meats, scope and transfer ingredients, and tenderize meats. It took a while for me to find one that I liked. I bought 2 other before I found the one I have. The first one I bought was too heavy and the weight quickly tired my hand/wrist when I chopped things. The second one I bought was too light and the weight was not distributed evenly, making it difficult to chop quickly. Then I found this third one. Actually, my mom and I found it, at a store that supplies kitchen tools and utensils to restaurants. It was just the right size, weight and weight distribution. I work hard to take good care of it. I wash it properly and sharpen it whenever it begins to feel dull. I feel like I'm spoiling it.

Yet it is the blade that is doing the spoiling - spoiling me. I find it difficult to cut with anything else. I am so used to the way this blade feels in my hand that I scorn and look down on all other blades. Maybe that's why some chefs always have their blades with them. I once heard a story about a chef who got a special permit to bring his blades on board with him!

But back to the cleaver. So why am I spending time writing about a cleaver? Because it is making me question my life and my approach to it. (I know, everything these days seem to do that.) But seriously - my reluctance to let go of this cleaver may be a metophor for my general reluctance in letting go anythingI like, even if it has passed its prime.

I don't need this cleaver. I hold on to this cleaver because it is familiar. Because it is a great knife. Because it might be useful in the near future. But I don't need it. Even though I should seal up my boxes, I keep this cleaver out because I have convinced myself that I will need it before I leave. And although there are other blades in the drawer, I am not ready to pack this cleaver up. Why? Why can't I just pack it up and let it go?

And why can't I just let things of my past go? Memories of events and people that have clearly passed their prime - why can't I pack them up? Why do I let them linger in easily accessible drawers in my little mind?


P.S. If any of you is interested in learning more about how to buy and take care of Chinese cleavers, here's a helpful website I found. http://chinesefood.about.com/cs/cookingbasics/bb/buycleaver.htm